fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
