Dude my mom stole all your condoms
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
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