i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
