I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
