I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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