I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
