My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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