I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize