I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
