I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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