I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
