so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
