Your tits are I can't wait for
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
