update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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