I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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