i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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