my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My bed smells like the plague
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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