Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
