Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
