: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
