I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
