she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
