Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
