I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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