I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
