tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
