God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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