Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he shaved USA in his pubs
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
