Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
