What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
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