god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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