I wish I could teleport
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
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