I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
