i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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