If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
