That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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