After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The Olympian is in my bed
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
