his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
