: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
