I just made out with a guy for $7.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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