why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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