I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
