I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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