Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
