And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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