There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
