Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
