she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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