she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
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Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
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When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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