I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
