But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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