We won't sleep together?
I could make wine with my vomit
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
