Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
