Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
