mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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