why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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