you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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