..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
