just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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