I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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