Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
