I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The feeling are messing with the penis
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
