i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He shit in the fireplace
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
