one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
