Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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