whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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