Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
