cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
