cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
