Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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