I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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