Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
