i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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