he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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